Asparagus Speaketh…

© Asparagus Speaketh 2014, unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without written permission from the author / owner of this blog is strictly prohibited. Links are allowed when clear credit is given to with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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The Reluctant Hunter…

My next 4 card series for the Lehigh Valley Post Card Project is 4 animals that a hunter shot and killed. Sadly the hunter didn’t want to hunt but was forced into it by his father as a  rite of passage. **Not based on a true story, being that I will most likely never be a gun owner nor have any interest whatsoever in even firing one. I just wanted to give some kind of back story for this unusual series.**

As the reluctant hunter says each time “It wasn’t my intention to kill this Giraffe, Rhino, Monkey & Brown Bear.

Dry brush acrylic on water color post cards with faber-castel art pens & pattern paper with the giraffe.


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Bird Eats Fish Cat Eats Bird Pig just eats …

My most ambitious and Challenging series for the Lehigh Valley Post Card Project. I had hoped to do more than just four animals but I grew frustrated with the process. Utilizing construction paper, glue & scissors with No actual design to work off of. I worked off my head and sometimes just cut away from scraps of paper I already had lying around and pieced together like a puzzle. Simple looking yes, but tiny pieces of paper glued together..NOT EASY.




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Some tomatoes and a pound of that Beef Cake…

LVPP_48-49 LVPP_50-51Beef Cake..a term coined primarily as hot muscular guys in Magazines for Gay Men. Hell, I’m sure women love a choice cut of Beef Cake as well,

I utilized Beef Cake photos from 4 Era’s 1930′s, 1940′s, 1950′s & 1960′s in a collage with an assortment of Rose Photos, colored the photo’s with a yellow sharpie to give em that aged look, then added an Anne Frank quote about Beauty. These four cards done for the Lehigh Valley Post Card Project bringing my total up to 52 cards completed.

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and the cow goes…



my knees hurt

all men suck

men are birth defects

i’ve been going gun shopping

i am a troll

i just don’t trust ONE person

some people here are just stupid and clueless and have their own form of thought processing..or they have no thoughts period

men are stupid

All Christians are idiots..i used to be born again..but then my husband kept me as a slave..and raped me..and then shot me in the fuck Christianity or anyone that believes in a GOD cos I don’t wanna hear it !

did i say that out loud ?

I don’t have a filter !


this post is dedicated a coworker of mine who I have to endure on a daily basis I try to block out her incessant hatred of life, men, religion..but when I turn the volume up on my music..i swear she just talks louder !

Please get some help ! You say you have OCD & ADHD but you probably really do ? And stop generalizing ! It’s pathetic..

As horribly cruel this artistic gesture is on my part..It felt good to create than to think horrible revenge thoughts.

This one is for you Ms. Tender Lovin’ Care

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My Weightloss Journey Begins…

From what I can remember I’ve always been fat to some extent. Perhaps not as heavy at my worst between 2002-2004 @ 375 lbs or what I consider my best weight at age 18 @ 170 lbs, which for my given height is 25 lbs overweight.

But I’ve joined Weight Watchers again, and I recently just lost 4 lbs. And that’s thru eating healthy in combination with a 5 day a week work out at the gym and the occasional 6th day of Yoga.

I was a thin lil’ kid..but once 1st Grade rolled around. I porked out. Hell, I blame an increasing growth of an anxiety disorder..never actually diagnosed but I am sure I have had mental issues my whole life. But my fat fluctuated per how stressed I was per any given year. When I look back on childhood photos, I was a porker in 1st, 4th, 5th & 6th grade,  I was probably think in Kindergarten because it was more like extended play but 1st Grade was actual school. 2nd & 3rd I slimmed down because I was in a comfort zone, 4th & 5th I porked back up because it was a new school with an asshole teacher that hated all the kids from my previous school primarily because he had to teach more kids than the previous year.

6th Grade I started Middle school and there is a huge change in Hormones added with using a locker, the ridiculous amount of rules, a crappy math teacher who said I had a fake smile, worrying about Nuclear war with Russia, and Gasp ! Having to shower after gym class.

But by 7th & 8th grade I managed to thin out again. Despite the fact that the girls in my art class with snort at me like I was a pig.

By the time High School rolled around I was chunky all four years but in relatively good shape, I am sure it helped to be carrying a full book bag while walking home from school almost every day for 4 years.

1988-1989 I was at my happiest weight of 170.

But as I was in the relationship from hell that lasted 3 years, by the time I turned 21, I had blown up to 212 lbs.

Stayed on an even path, till I turned 25 and blew up to 250 lbs. But even at 250lbs I still felt relatively good about myself. Two years later after dealing with the stress and anxiety I dealt with living away from home for the first time as a Student at the Art Institute of Philly I graduated at a hefty 300 lbs.

Between age 27-32 I would end up gaining 75 more pounds and be my heaviest when my Grandmother & Mom died a month apart. At 375 lbs I was diagnosed at being pre-diabetic took meds to control my blood sugar levels for almost a decade.

I am happy to report I no longer take those meds. Although I have gone thru a journey to cure my head issues, finally settling on a 1/2 pill diet so I can get thru my job without being zombified.

But this is about weight loss, not my head. So @ 326.2 lbs and a goal to lose 27 lbs in the next 12 weeks..would finally bring under 300 lbs and that will be a milestone for me because it’s been about 15 years since I’ve been in the 200′s.

A few times I have considered Weight Loss Surgery, something that my brother-in-law ( who is fat but thinner than me) decided to go thru. But ya know I will conquer this battle without the use of such extremes :)

Then the self portrait I draw will be a smiling guy as opposed to this guy below.


The actual me ages 19, 22, 24, 25 (LtoR) and 34, 32 (Top to Bottom)





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Old Time Comedy Teams…taking a break from the post cards for now

This will be the last in the series for the Lehigh Valley Post Card Project for the moment till I start up again after I buy more post cards in a few weeks.

Two Versions of the Three Stooges, The Marx Brothers, W.C. Fields, Abbott & Costello, Laurel & Hardy,  Martin & Lewis, Olsen & Johnson, & Wheeler & Woolsey

Faber-Castel Art Pens/Crayola Twistables

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From here to Eternity..The neverending creativity project

Thank you fellow Lehigh Valley Artist Kristen Barnes for starting this creative exchange through snail mail. The thrill of getting an actual post card in the mail from such a diverse group of artists inspires me to keep creating in as many different styles as I can come up with. Until the exhibitions that you plan for Easton & Emmaus. I look to be the most prolific of the group by my creative goal of 100 post cards.

Before I finish the pen line drawings of famous film comedy teams I give you my block lettering stain glass series.

Crayola twistables/Faber-Castel Art Pens/Sharpies

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